This past weekend was unlike many weekends for 1GAR--(why did I just refer to myself in the 3rd person?!?!?!). Anyway, I have to preface this post with a couple of thoughts. When you break up with someone, it’s sort of an unwritten rule that the friends that they brought to the table goes with them and vice versa, right? Well, when J and I broke up, that’s what “naturally” happened. We had a core group of friends that was comprised from both his and my pre-dating life. We tried the whole “let’s hang out and be friends” thing, but it just didn’t work. So, I was already in Atlanta and started making some new friends and he was in Athens with his. As time went on, his said friends gradually started moving to Atlanta. I would see them out every now and then and we would do the whole “we should get together and catch up” thing. This never really came to fruition—mainly because of the said “unwritten rule” rule.
Well, with my move back to Atlanta and trying new things thing, I’d decided to let go of all that petty crap and just let things progress normally. Upon going out with some friends one evening, I ran into some of these said friends. We chatted and caught up, blah blah blah. They genuinely wanted to get together and hang out, so I went with it. While J and I had gone out, his friends and I came to be really good friends, so why not, right? For the month that I’ve been back, I’ve hung out with said friends on a weekly, sometimes more, basis.
***ok…to the point of this entry now***
This past weekend, we all went out to shoot some pool, “bar-hop”, and go dancing. One guy in particular, S, and I have spent more time together than the rest of us. So the night progresses…yeah…ummm…there was dancing…drinking…and yes…kissing! It didn’t stop there. He and I had ridden together, so there was more making out before he got out of my car.
My question is this: What are the “rules” on dating a friend of an ex?
For me, I was torn. It felt good and bad at the same time. Good cause…yeah…you know why. Bad cause I just felt wrong about the whole thing. Is this widely frowned upon? Does the length of dating to broken-up ratio count?
This is an interactive entry. Your 2 cents are welcomed!
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4 comments:
Is there a rule for that? I thought it was "don't date an ex of a friend" not "don't date a friend of an ex". Or is it both? I don't think you did anything wrong or weird. I say do what makes you happy. You deserve to be happy! :)
Thanks, BikeChick! Even though I know who you are--lol. Thanks for your input. I just don't know. Maybe I should just stay clear of it?
Okay Stephen, I've kept you waiting long enough, here's my much anticipated response:
My initial gut reaction would say that there is nothing wrong with going after a friend of an ex. I mean, there is a reason you and the ex didn't work out, so why should that prevent you from pursuing a possible future with someone who just happened to be his friend, right?
On the other hand, I see your point about the unwritten rule and things tend to get overly dramatic when situations such as this arise. I think that time definitely has a factor, especially if the ex has moved on as well. There is really nothing that can be said if he's in another relationship and you want to possibly pursue something with his friend. Even if the ex is still not over you, I think that a mature person would realize that although it might sting by seeing you with his friend, there's nothing he can (or should) do to prevent that from happening.
So, my advice would be to step carefully...continue to hang out as friends and see whether the events of last weekend happened because y'all got caught up in a moment or whether there is a true possibility there. If you can really see yourself with this person, don't let any unwritten rule prevent you from finding out what possibility is really there. If there is a doubt that this might have been more of a spur of the moment, "convenience" thing, then you might want to consider whether the friendship route is the right path to take. Either way, have fun with it man (and keep us posted, too. You know we love to live vicariously through the lives of fellow bloggers :)
Even though you said everything that I was thinking, it's nice to "confirm" the same thoughts with others. Thanks for your great advice, Chris:)
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