What is "normal"???

I finally got a day off yesterday! I hadn't had one single day off since the 4th, so it was much needed. As I layed in bed awake at 7am, I was toggling with what to do for the day. Do I get up and get some stuff done or do I just roll over and lay in bed and relax some more? I didn't do either, I compromised. I layed in bed til around 9 and then got up and started the day. I needed to get a new shirt for Saturday night, so I decided to hop on MARTA and go shopping. I have a date with one of my lesbian friends, so I needed something new.

While on MARTA, I sat across from 3 little black kids - what they were doing on the train by themselves is beyond me, but. The older boy and girl looked to be around 6 or 7 and the youngest boy was about 4. As I watched the youngest boy give kisses and play with his sister, it just hit me: I'm never going to have that. I'm never going to have that "normal" life. I'm not saying that I want a kid right now or anything, but the option is not really there for me. I can't just happen to get drunk one night, have sex with a girl, and "make" a baby - one case scenario, mind you. I've always "known" that my life is and always would be different, but I don't know what made that point crystal clear yesterday.

As my these thoughts bounced around in my head, I then came to the conclusion: Why do I want to be "normal?" Maybe I AM normal...for me. My normal is very ABnormal for someone like my sister, but it's very normal for me. Normalcy is highly over-rated.

On another note, I did get a shirt. 2 shirts in fact...and 2 pairs of jeans...ahem. I'm not like most gay men...I mean, I like my name brand clothing just as much as the next gay, but I'm not that high maintenance all the time. After going to the mall and finding nothing, I decided to pop into Target. I love their jeans and they just happened to have my size, so I bought a couple. Plus, I got 2 polos that are really cool. Gotta love Target:)

New Place

I'm not out of the program yet, but I have already rented a new place. I only have a month left, so I decided to go ahead and get some things situated.

Things I did last night:
~laundry
~blew up an air mattress (yes, just my mouth!)
~put some stuff away
~surfed the web
~grocery shopping

It doesn't sound all that fun, but it sorta was. I'm gonna like my new place. It's like a minute away from work (literally!), it's nice/new, and it's soooo affordable! Life is getting back to normal, I hope... :)

Where's Your Pride?

Happy PRIDE!
from the computer at work
but I'm ok with that
'cause it's gonna rain
like it always does
every year
on PRIDE weekend
here in Atlanta

What's up, 1GAR?

For the past couple of days, I’ve just been exhausted. No running exhausted. That is the worst kind of exhausted. But, I guess it’s good to give my body a rest, right?

I just spent a quiet 4th at the apartment and did nothing. I slept late, made whole-grain/flax banana pancakes, watched movies, ate popcorn, baked double chocolate chunk cookies, and just chilled for the day. It was nice.

I’ve been reflecting on my life lately. I don’t like to do this. Mainly because it gets me a little depressed. I’ve isolated myself from a lot of the friends that I used to hang out with. It’s good and it’s bad. I feel like I don’t really have any friends anymore. I seriously talk to 1 and text with another one. The most interaction that I have with the gay community is at work. I’ve really come to love my lesbians.

It’s been way over a year since I’ve dated or been on a date with anyone.
I finally decided where to live once I finish this program. I’m going to move in with a friend of a friend who has become a friend. She lives in a nice house and is never there because she’s always at her boyfriend’s. So, I would essentially have the place to myself. Plus, it’s close to work and it’s cheap.

They say that if you’re not moving forward, you’re going backwards. I don’t agree. I feel like I’m stagnant. I’m not really moving forward or backwards. I feel this way a lot…and I hate it.

I feel old.

Blah.