Keep it straight!***

Upon talking with some of my straight guy friends, I've come to a conclusion. There is only one thing (other than who you find attractive) that separates gay and straight men: mental processes vs vocal expression. Let me explain... I've come to realize that both groups *think* the same things on certain issues, straight men just never express it vocally. They are too afraid that they might be perceived as "gay".

Some examples:

• I honestly believe that men can distinguish a good-looking man from an ugly one. My thought process on this is simple: a guy can CERTAINLY pick a pretty girl from an ugly one, right? Heck yeah! AND...guys will be the first one to point out an "ugly dude." But alas, straight men will NEVER say, "yeah, that guy is cute." The closest that they will get to ever acknowledging another guys good looks is, "yeah, I can see how you would think he's cute"--and this is only said by the utmost secure guy. But the sad thing is this--if a guy were to ever say that another guy is good-looking, he would automatically be considered gay, no question. Why? Girls say that other girls are pretty ALL the time and they are never accused of being lesbians--but guys LOVE the lesbianic action! Double standard? I think so...
• You will never hear a straight guy say, "I'm getting fat." Instead, you will hear them joke about "how much hard work it takes to get "this" (puts hands on belly)" or "I don't have a six pack, I have the brewerybrewry", etc. The straight guys that I know are conscience of weight gain, they just never put it in terms that would be considered "gay" or "girlie".
• When getting ready to go out, both gay and straight men are conscious of their physical appearance. A gay man will ask whether a certain shirt makes him look fat or if the belt looks okay with his outfit. A straight guy may look at himself in a mirror for several minutes debating whether his outfit looks ridiculous or stylish, however under no circumstance will he ever solicit advice on fashion from any of his male friends.
• Straight guys DO get bloated--they just vocalize it in terms of gas. There is one exception to this rule, however. Straight men are much more vocal when it comes to human defecation. A group of gay men may be hanging out together one night and one of them may have the sudden urge to use the restroom. He will most likely sneak away from the group, do his business, and return shortly after. Straight men feel as though they need to announce that they've got a "turtlehead about to pop out" and that they have to go take a dump before they go in their pants. Additionally, a detailed description of the feces is often given by straight men and they are somehow proud of this fact.
• Under no circumstance will a straight guy admit if he likes a song that is sung by a boy band or a "girlie, pop singer" (ie Britney, Christina)--and definitely not Madonna or Cher!!! LOL. And if a straight does like the song, then he feels weird about it. Why??? It's just a song people! Just because you happen to find a song catchy and start singing along to it doesn't mean that you are going to spontaneously start liking guys! LOL.

There are more examples, I'm sure, but this is all I could come up with right now. Have one? Share.

...and don't even get me started on Metrosexuals! They just mess things up for everyone! LOL.

***this was in corroborative effort with Chris***