About 2.5 months ago, 2 of my friends took a roadtrip out to California to visit one of the guy's brother. The intended plan was a 2 week roadtrip. Unbeknownst to one of them, the other one had been talking with a guy on line before the trip. Once out there, they met up and got along really well. This lead to him staying in Cali for a total of a month and the other one flying back at the scheduled time. Once back in Atlanta, my friend was very bummed and sad cause he had to be back here, blah blah blah. The next thing we know, the "internet guy" has packed up and moved to Atlanta!
Flag #1 - how many 28 year olds do you know who can just pick up and move cross country (literally) without ANY commitments or obligations??? Job? Apt? Bills? etc. I'm 25 and I couldn't even think about doing that!
Flag #2 - he moves out here without a car, job, place to live, a plan, etc.
Flag #3 - he moves in with my friend from the get-go! They'd only known each other for like 2-2.5 weeks!
Ok, ok...so my friends and I decide to give this guy a fair, clean slate. I'm a little skeptical, but who am I to judge, right? Fast forward 6 weeks and nothing has changed. No job, no car, no plan... Finally, he got a job that he started on Monday of this week...very close to where I work. Here is where it gets interesting... Saturday night, he pulls me aside and asks if I would mind if he rides with me... Me, being the nice guy that I am, told him that I don't mind picking him up, but that he would have to arrange a ride home because I go to the gym after work. Then, I start talking with my other friends and they all have a different take on the whole situation... "G works from home, why doesn't he f-ing take and pick him up from work?!?! It's *his* bf and *his* responsibility!" "G is just f-ing this guy and shoving him off on us just because it's inconvenient for him (G)!" "It's his problem that his bf moved out here without a car, not ours." etc. Apparently, they had asked some of our other friends to "help out." So, here's my question:
Where is the line between "being a good friend" and being taken advantage of? They didn't offer to give me gas money or anything. I see what my friends are saying, but I hadn't really thought about it. Am I being a pushover or just a good friend?
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3 comments:
Just say NO! No, really. You are a VERY nice guy Stephen. Which is great but you shouldn't let people take advantage of you (I have that problem also). Do YOU feel like they are taking advantage of you?
I would tell him that sharing a ride is fine but he needs to contribute for gas. But if you don't want to do it, don't do it. Or tell him to get a bike. :)
OR...maybe I should start commuting by bike and viola! Problem solved:) Thanks, Lisa!
In my opinion, it's about enabling a person to continue to be irresponsible. Friendship is about balance... if you guys are always giving and he's always taking, then this is only going to continue to be a source of discord. He doesn't have to contribute money, but he could contribute his time in some way (cleaning the house or something)... as long as he is contributing to the group. Otherwise, he's going to suck the group dry.
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