The One...

...that got away?

Do you have *that* one that got away? Well, I have mine. I am riddled with regret...and I hate that. Partly cause I know that I was the one that cause the break-up...and partly because I feel that I was the one that made him "wander"...

I still have the napkin that he gave me with his cell number...
I still have every note he ever wrote me...
I still have everthing he ever gave me...
I still have the box from the chocolates that he gave me on Valentine's Day...

...all in a box
...and yes, I went through it tonight...

Why? Maybe I needed a good cry. Maybe I like to punish myself. Maybe I'll never get over it. Maybe I'm just f'ed up. Maybe I'll never forgive myself.

I hate "maybe's"...
I hate regrets.
I hate that he still gets to me.
I hate that I don't think I'll ever get over it.
I hate that I think about this...a lot...
I.
Hate.
It.

I'm not still "in love with him"...I'm not. I'm still in love with that time in my life...when I was truly happy...when I truly loved someone else...when I truly felt like someone loved me back...when I wasn't jaded...when I still believed in love...the happy ending...the fairy tale...

My Fairy Tale...

...but I don't know that I believe in that anymore...