Random Crap

The most disturbing lyric from a song that I've heard lately. It's from Tim McGraw/Faith Hill:
"I need you like a needle needs a vein."
Ew. Gross. I don't need *anyone* like *that*.

I saw a guy on a motorcycle the other day on my way home. It was raining. He was soaked. I felt bad for him.

On the same drive home, I saw a Toyota FJ Cruiser on the road. It has 3 windshield wipers. It reminds me of the movie "Total Recall" with Arnold Schwarzenegger from the late 80's, early 90's. In the movie, there is a 3 breasted woman. That's what it reminds me of. Every time.

Why do some people wear the same thing to the gym day in and day out? That is gross. Do they wash every night? Do they just buy thier outfits in bulk? I don't get it.

I feel like I'm in a slump. I don't like it.

Blech.

Why...

...do trainers at the gym make their clients do the stupidest looking exercises? Have *they* actually done these themselves?

A little Mary Jane Humor

Mary Jane was walking through the forest when a squirrel ran up her skirt. And Mary Jane just laughed and laughed, because she knew there weren't any nuts up there.

Mary Jane was walking on the beach one day and saw a shark swimming around a man. The man was screaming, "Help me! Help me!" And Mary Jane just laughed and laughed, because she knew the shark was never going to help that man!

Mary Jane was walking downtown when saw a sign in a fabric store that said "Felt, 10 cents." And Mary Jane just laughed and laughed, because she knew where she could get felt for free.

Mary Jane was playing on the swings one day, swinging higher and higher. Her mother came out and said, "Mary Jane, don't you swing so high. The boys will be able to see your underwear." And Mary Jane just laughed and laughed, because she knew she wasn't wearing any underwear.

One day Mary Jane was walking along and she passed a cow pasture...she looked over and saw a huge pile of crap with a fly on top, and mary jane just laughed and laughed cause she knew that fly couldn't do that

Mary Jane's daddy caught her reading a dirty book one night in her bed. Her daddy took the book from her, threw it across the room and gave Mary Jane a spankin'. Mary Jane laughed and laughed, because she knew what page she was on.

Mary Jane was walking down the street when a man pulled her into a dark alley and started ripping off all her clothes. And Mary Jane laughed and laughed, because she knew her clothes wouldn't fit him.

Mary Jane pushed her brother into the pool. Her mother said, "You know your brother can't swim!" And Mary Jane laughed and laughed, because she knew there wasn't any water in that pool.

Mary Jane burnt down the barn one day, and her mother said "Mary Jane! You're in big trouble when your father gets home!" And Mary Jane laughed and laughed, because she knew her father was in that barn.

One day mary jane was on the bus...and this guy sat down beside here and started feeling around inside her bra....and mary jane just laughed and laughed because she knew her money was in her shoe.

Things that make you go...Hmmm...

Why does a co-worker feel the need to tell me that she bought a dildo this weekend? Is that something I really need to know?

Hello? Anyone Out There?

Is anyone still reading this blog? LOL. I *have* neglected it, but I'll get better...promise. Just a quick update:

Work has been busy.
Been training a new guy.
No one knows if he's gay or not.
I broke up with N.
He got too needy and clingy.
I got in a wreck.
Again.
The past year has been car hell.

Wow...that's about all the "news" I have since last I blogged.
Sad.
I guess there is something to be said for "routine" or "normalcy," right?

All About The New Man

Believe it or not, we actually met off of Yahoo Personals. I've had my profile up for a while, but I'd never really put much stock into it. Since I've moved, I tinkered with it a little bit and would check it every now and then. Mostly, I would get an e-mail or ice breaker from an old man or someone that I just wasn't interested in. Well, you can imagine my surprise when I recieved an ice breaker from N (that's what we'll refer to him as).

"Wanna grab coffee?"

He was cute, a little older than me, our profiles matched up...ok, he peeked my interest. So, what the heck - I put caution to the wind and paid Yahoo the $24.95 so that I could e-mail him. After e-mailing back and forth one Friday, we decided to set up a coffee "date" for the next day.

The Meeting
We met up at an artsy-fartsy coffee shop right around the corner from where I used to live. First, major props for choosing *this* coffee house versus just a Starbucks. Conversation was good. He looked like his pic. All was going well. After about three and a half hours of talking at the coffee shop, we decided to go grab a bite to eat right around the corner. Everything went well...could this really turn into something? As we parted, we decided to go out again and ended the "date" with a hug.

The Follow-Up
I'm never really good when it comes to the "after the first date" ettiquette bs.

Do I call him?
Do I wait for him to call me?
How long after the first date should I wait to call?

It's all hogwash! So, I decided to call him the next day (Sunday). He said he was actually going to call me...ok, I'll bite. So, we set up another date for Wednesday of the coming week. I told him to pick the place and that we would touch base early in the week.

Monday
I recieved an Apple iCard from him. Ok, he gets props again for 1) Apple and 2)an iCard versus something off of American Greetings, or the like. He had actually sent it early Sunday (before we talked on the phone), but I don't check e-mail at home, so it was a good way to start the week.

Stephen,
Thanks again for taking the time to meet me; I really enjoyed seeing you. I look forward to going out again, and I'll touch base with you later to set something up. I hope you made it home safe and sound, and not too wet:)

-N

(it was raining when I drove home)
Very Sweet. After e-mailing all day, I finally got his AIM screenname. So, then we chatted all day! LOL.

I'm really getting along with this guy...

...to be continued...

MIA

Yes, I've been neglecting my blog, but I've been busy.
Busy with life.
Busy with work.
Busy with dating (I know!).

Here's a quick update since I last posted:
I went on vacation with my family.
For a full week.
The first time I've taken a week off of work.
In 4 years!
I got burned.
Tanlines:)
After work functions.
I've started dating a guy.
We've gone out like 6 times.
I'm excited.
He sent me flowers.
At work.
I was speechless.

Life is good:)

TGI(almost)F Joke

THE INDIAN WITH ONE TESTICLE

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was Onestone. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that anymore. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her, and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name
until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone." Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, all night, all the next day, all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

What is the moral of this story?????
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OH, Come on...take a guess!
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Think about it...
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(You're going to love this!)
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And the moral is...
(drum roll, please)
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You can't kill two birds with one stone!!!

9 months old

I don't feel like blogging about something that takes too much thought. So, here's my baby. (click to see him when he was about 10 weeks old)

Whodathunkit?!?!

Who woulda thought that I would...

~Stay in on a Friday night...
~...and order a Pay-Per-View movie (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning)...
~...and be in bed before midnight.
~Spray paint a tv table and 2 frames black...
~...and rake pine needles to "freshen up" my front flower bed...
~...while Bailey tried to play "shake" on a Saturday afternoon.
~Eat dinner with the family...
~...and watch High School Musical with the kids on a Saturday night.
~Take down border in 2 bedrooms...
~...put a layer of clear coat on said tv table...
~...set up said tv table and tv in my bedroom...
~...and hang pictures on a Sunday afternoon.

Yup, folks...I'm either getting old
or
growing up
or worse...
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.BOTH.

Oh, Gawd!

A Delivery

As I drove into my driveway last night, I noticed that there was something at my front door. It was already dark, so the only thing I could see was the reflection of something. Much to my surprise, my little niece and nephew had sent me a beautiful potted plant and 2 big balloons! The card read:

"Happy Birthday, Uncle! We love you! Love K & T"

This is THE sweetest thing that I've received in a long long LONG time. They had already called me on my way into work to wish me a happy birthday, so this was a huge surprise. I immediately called them.

"Hey Uncle!"
"Hey baby! Guess what I got?"
"You got it!? Yah!"
"Yes, thank you, baby! It's beautiful! Thank you so much!"
"Good! Happy Birthday, Uncle! I love you!"
"I love you, too, baby!"

The convo went about the same with both of them. Even though I know that my mom paid for it and all, they were the ones that wanted to do something for me. My mom told me that they picked it out and everything. They didn't want to get me flowers because it was too "girlie," so they decided on the plant.

1. I've NEVER received a delivery from a flower shop before. EVER.
2. I love them so much, so it means that much more. And they never let me forget how much they love *me*. Since I may never have kids, they *are* my kids. I just can't put it into words...
3. None of my "friends" remembered my birthday, so I was bummed. No one called, e-mailed, texted, anything. My co-workers and family were the only ones that remembered. So, this really made my day.
4. It's not the gift, it's the thought. The phone call from them first thing this morning was enough for me. They amaze me.

Thank you, K & T! Uncle loves you more than you'll ever know!

Twenty-Seven...continued

I have some of the best co-workers! 7 of them took me out to lunch...and paid for me:)

Also, 1 of my co-workers likes to bake. He remembered that I like chocolate on chocolate cake, so he made me one!

Are they trying to fatten me up? Hrmmm...

Twenty-seven

Happy Birthday, to me!

Twenty-seven
27
XXVII
Ventisiete
30-3
21+6

Another year has passed.
Another year wiser? I hope so.
I can't help but feeling like I should be further along in life.

Blech.

What will I do today? Eh...nothing special. It's just another day.

Me...Over Time

I got this meme (I still have yet to find out what "meme" means...) from Brad. I thought it was cool, so here we go:

20 years ago

1.) How old were you? 6
2.) Where did you go to school? Lanier Elementary
3.) Where did you work? I didn't.
4.) Where did you live? With my mom and sis in a house up the street from where I just moved into.
5.) Where did you hang out? Either at my house or my best friend's house.
6.) Did you wear glasses? No
7.) Who was your best friend? Ryan
8.) How many tattoos did you have? None.
9.) How many piercings did you have? None.
10.) What car did you drive? I didn't.
11.) Had you been to a real party? No.
12.) Had your heart broken? No.
13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced: 6 years old, DEFINITELY single!

10 years ago

1.) How old were you? 16
2.) Where did you go to school? North Hall High
3.) Where did you work? Dockers Outlet Store (you know, the khaki's)
4.) Where did you live? Same
5.) Where did you hang out? with friends
6.) Did you wear glasses? No.
7.) Who was your best friend? Matt
8.) How many tattoos did you have? None.
9.) How many piercings did you have? None.
10.) What car did you drive? A gray 1989 Oldsmobile Cutlass Cierra
11.) Had you been to a real party? Not really, I was a "goodie goodie" in high school
12.) Had your heart broken? No.
13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced: Single.

5 years ago

1.) How old were you? 21
2.) Where did you go to school? UGA - Go Dawgs!
3.) Where did you work? GAP
4.) Where did you live? In my first apartment - University Commons
5.) Where did you hang out? Downtown Athens, bars (both gay and straight), with friends at their apts/dorms.
6.) Did you wear glasses? No.
7.) Who were your best friends? Jennifer, Anna, Stevie, Morgan.
8.) Who was your crush? my bf.
9.) How many tattoos did you have? None
10.) How many piercings did you have? Two - tongue and top of left ear
11.) What car did you drive? I had a 2000 Silver Nissan Frontier Desert Runner
12.) Had you had your heart broken? Not yet...
13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter: Taken.
14.) Any kids? Nope.

Present

1.) How old are you? 26, almost 27
2.) Where do you go to school? I graduated from UGA
3.) Where do you work? For an IT company
4.) Where do you live? In a house in the neighborhood I grew up in.
5.) Where do you hang out? Home, gay bars, with the fam.
6.) Do you wear glasses? No - but I'm starting to need to...
7.) Who are your best friends? I can't say that I really have one...
8.) Who is your crush? Steve Sandvoss (the mormon on Latter Days)
9.) Do you talk to your old friends? Not really.
10.) How many tattoo's do have? 1.
11.) How many piercings do you have? 1 - the previous 2 out, a new one;)
12.) What kind of car do you have? '96 Black Volvo Wagon - great car...and it's PAID for!!!
13.) Has your heart been broken? Yup.
14.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter? Single.
15.) Any kids? a 9 month old Golden Retriever, Bailey.

'Tis interesting to think back like this...

I Scream

So, I have my own show, The Colbert Report. Now, I have my very own ice cream:) Please please, no autographs.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070214/ap_en_tv/people_stephen_colbert

Blah

Blah Blah Blah

Happy Freakin' Valentine's Day

Blah Blah Blah

Going Ons

I, being the friend that is always the "early one," had about 30 minutes to kill before meeting friends out for drinks last Friday (I know, I'm a freak...). Knowing that there is a Pier1 near the bar, I decided to stop and browse for a bit. I mean, they were having a sale for goodness sakes, so I just had to! While I was browsing, an older man walked by me and grunted, "Mmm!" not so casually under his breath. Ok, one - do you think you said that in a way that I couldn't hear you?! Two - Do you think that is a good come on?! Three - Am I gonna respond to that? NO! Come on, man. When is a grunt an appropriate form of communication?

I'm convinced. All the guys that I've met lately that I think are hot/cute are coupled. This past weekend was no different. I'm cursed.

I know that I'm a little slow to get on the bandwagon, but DVR is the best thing since sliced bread.

My brother-in-law and I both have birthdays in March. He's turning 30, so my sis wants to throw him a surprise birthday party. She's throwing this party before MY birthday! Mine is on the 7th and his is on the 31st. He'll definitely be surprised!

Best comment I've heard about the whole Anna Nicole Smith saga: Her life was crazy when she was alive, even crazier now that she's dead.

AIM question from a friend: "If you had a myspace account and moved someone lower on your friends list would you be upset? Basically I moved J from 3 to 4 and he was like why did you move me...are you upset?" This, my friends, is what I call needless, gay drama. Lord!

I've spent 25 out of 26 Valentine's Days single. Wow.

Favorite CD's at the moment: Katherine McPhee and Mat Kearney. I can't get enough of this dude. He rocks! I've got tickets to his concert when he comes to Atlanta in April:)

Within the past 3 weeks, I've bought a Volvo Wagon and a house. Yes folks, I'm officially old. But I'm happy:) More on this later...

I don't get it...

What's up with Fergie and spelling? She always spells things out in her songs. Is she trying to teach the world how to spell? Did we forget? I don't get it...

TGIF

Since I don't really have much to blog about right now, I'll post another joke.

What did the gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
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How are we suppose to find this egg in all this $#!T ?

Joke of the Day

How to get a flat tummy:

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and dad doing?" The mother replies, "Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it." "Your wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" the mom asked puzzled. "Well, when you go shopping, the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL